Tuesday, August 21, 2012

That's what dreams are made of...

View from Catherine Pass, Little Cottonwood Canyon

Where does time go? I haven't posted for 2 months, but it just seems like yesterday.

Lately I have been feeling like I have some things to say to the world. It is a new feeling for me, because usually I just want to be invisible. But, I've decided invisible is kind of boring. I've had many things go through my brain about what I could/should/want to write about, but of course, I haven't done much with those thoughts yet. I tend to take baby steps with things like this. (And since I didn't write any of them down, many of them are gone from my brain. I will try to be better about that.)

I have been on a blog reading, new blog discovering mission lately. I just found a new one today, The Makerie, that I have been getting to know. This girl does a creative retreat in Colorado, which is what got me interested in reading her blog. It sounds awesome. I want to go.

Mostly though, I want to host my own creative retreats like that. It has been a dream of mine that has popped up occasionally throughout my life. When I worked at Harris Publishing in Idaho Falls in 2001, I was dreaming about starting a retreat in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I spent my free time at work making a brochure for my retreat. I think I actually still have it, somewhere. I called it "The Hole Experience". Or at least that was one of my ideas for a name.

I've also thought about buying a big house somewhere, in Midway Utah perhaps, and hosting scrapbooking weekends and creative retreats. 

Another random dream I have is to run a little crafty shop, in a cute touristy town somewhere. I spotted an empty building for sale in West Yellowstone a year ago, and jokingly said that was my shop. So, I should put these dreams together, and buy a big house/bed & breakfast type place in a touristy town, and do retreats, but also have a shop on the main floor all the time.

So, I have all these dreams, but what I am doing with them? So far, not much. I've become comfortable in my day job, comfortable in my life. And I think the last few years I've just been going through the motions every day, of living, but not really living.

In 2001, I went skydiving with my friend Nancy. First of all, I can't believe it's been that long ago. But, really, I think it's time to do something like that again. Something that takes me out of my comfort zone. Something that scares the bejebbers out of me. Something that makes me feel alive.

I have spent the last 4 years living with my grandpa Reeve in his house in West Jordan. That has been my purpose in life, to help take care of him. A year ago he went to live with my aunt in Boise, and now he is in an assisted living home in Cedar Hills. So, the daily care I was giving him has become just a weekly visit to make sure he's ok, and help as needed. I feel like I need a new purpose, a new mission, a new adventure. But, I also still strongly feel like I should stay close around here, so I can still be a help to my grandpa. We are bonded, him and me, and I want to savor the time I have left with him. And soak up all the family history knowledge I can from him while he still remembers some things.

When I opened my computer to write today, I wasn't expecting all of that to come out. But, I'll go with it. I am pretending in my head like more people read this blog than just my sisters. It seems more fun that way, and I think I write differently when I think I have a bigger audience. Honestly I'm a little nervous for my family to read the crazy thoughts in my head, my dreams, my goals, my trials, etc. Weird, I know, that my family makes me more nervous than the rest of humanity. I will get over it. And, it's silly, I know, because it really is just my sisters reading this blog I'm pretty sure. But, someday maybe, I will have a few more followers. Because someday I might actually have something important to say to the world.

I don't feel like I'm a very good writer, which has stopped me from blogging more often. But practice makes perfect, right? Right. 

Should I keep going, or is this enough for one day? My mind is overflowing with things I want to say. I will pick up here tomorrow. 

Stay tuned...