I have lots of random thoughts today, but they aren't very deep (or at least I don't want to think too deeply today).
- I love the movie Eat, Pray, Love. I want to live in different places in the world like that, learn about myself like she does.
- I watched the BYU game today. Good game, sad ending.
- I'm excited about my trip in two weeks to Phoenix with my sisters and sister-in-law and mom. It's going to be fun.
- I love fall. It is beautiful. The light is different. The leaves are changing. There is a different smell in the air. I went to Gardner Village this morning for the farmers market. I was hoping for some zucchini, but all they really had was apples. The farmer's market season is about over. But the village was hopping with witches, real and fake, lots of little witches running around getting their pictures taken by all the funny witches all over the place.
- I don't love Halloween. It's one of my least favorite holidays, although I do like the candy. But, I have a love hate relationship with candy right now in my life.
- I don't know how to put into words some of the things rumbling around in my head. I don't want it to sound trite. I don't want anyone to judge me for it. If I say it outloud, or online, it makes it more permanent and true.
- I don't have a good relationship with food right now. I am working on that.
- I didn't get accepted into the Beehive Bazaar, or the other one I applied for, Bijou Market. That put a damper on my excitement for bookmaking. But, I still love it, and still want to make books. I also still believe that people will buy them. I've been pondering about what I want to do, what I want to make, how I'm going to make this work.
- When you haven't gone to the gym for months, it is hard to go back. I think if I would just go one time, it would break the barrier I feel is there now.
- I really like my new office in Provo. I'm not loving the extra commute time, but it's not awful. An extra ten minutes, of being in "the zone', goes by fast. The office space is much nicer, we are all settling in and getting used to the new space.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
But, I'm back in the game. And it is fun. I went through all my stuff, and found several half-finished projects. I started with those, to get my feet wet again. And then it just kept going. The excitement and fun and inspiration is coming back to me. I don't know if I should admit this, but I had everything I needed in my craft room. It has been sitting there, patiently waiting for me to come back to it.
And I really like it. I like making books. I love seeing the finished product. I like putting the colors, the papers, the fabrics together.
I do have my favorite binding technique.
I hope my inspiration continues. I am applying to sell at the Beehive Bazaar at Christmas. If I get accepted, I will have lots of work to do to get ready. I've wanted to do this bazaar ever since I went to it as a customer several years ago. I still try to go to it every time they hold it. I love it. Such a fun, friendly, unique, happy place. They have changed venues a few times, but most recently they hold it at the Riverwoods. It is a good venue, good location. I have to apply by Saturday, and I will know on Monday if I am accepted or not.
I also just listed my first book on Etsy. The polkadot one pictured above. Here's a link to it: Polka Dot Journal if you are interested. I will work on getting a few more books on there this week, and then we'll see how it all goes.
Here's to new adventures.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
View from Catherine Pass, Little Cottonwood Canyon
Where does time go? I haven't posted for 2 months, but it just seems like yesterday.
Lately I have been feeling like I have some things to say to the world. It is a new feeling for me, because usually I just want to be invisible. But, I've decided invisible is kind of boring. I've had many things go through my brain about what I could/should/want to write about, but of course, I haven't done much with those thoughts yet. I tend to take baby steps with things like this. (And since I didn't write any of them down, many of them are gone from my brain. I will try to be better about that.)
I have been on a blog reading, new blog discovering mission lately. I just found a new one today, The Makerie, that I have been getting to know. This girl does a creative retreat in Colorado, which is what got me interested in reading her blog. It sounds awesome. I want to go.
Mostly though, I want to host my own creative retreats like that. It has been a dream of mine that has popped up occasionally throughout my life. When I worked at Harris Publishing in Idaho Falls in 2001, I was dreaming about starting a retreat in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I spent my free time at work making a brochure for my retreat. I think I actually still have it, somewhere. I called it "The Hole Experience". Or at least that was one of my ideas for a name.
I've also thought about buying a big house somewhere, in Midway Utah perhaps, and hosting scrapbooking weekends and creative retreats.
Another random dream I have is to run a little crafty shop, in a cute touristy town somewhere. I spotted an empty building for sale in West Yellowstone a year ago, and jokingly said that was my shop. So, I should put these dreams together, and buy a big house/bed & breakfast type place in a touristy town, and do retreats, but also have a shop on the main floor all the time.
So, I have all these dreams, but what I am doing with them? So far, not much. I've become comfortable in my day job, comfortable in my life. And I think the last few years I've just been going through the motions every day, of living, but not really living.
In 2001, I went skydiving with my friend Nancy. First of all, I can't believe it's been that long ago. But, really, I think it's time to do something like that again. Something that takes me out of my comfort zone. Something that scares the bejebbers out of me. Something that makes me feel alive.
I have spent the last 4 years living with my grandpa Reeve in his house in West Jordan. That has been my purpose in life, to help take care of him. A year ago he went to live with my aunt in Boise, and now he is in an assisted living home in Cedar Hills. So, the daily care I was giving him has become just a weekly visit to make sure he's ok, and help as needed. I feel like I need a new purpose, a new mission, a new adventure. But, I also still strongly feel like I should stay close around here, so I can still be a help to my grandpa. We are bonded, him and me, and I want to savor the time I have left with him. And soak up all the family history knowledge I can from him while he still remembers some things.
When I opened my computer to write today, I wasn't expecting all of that to come out. But, I'll go with it. I am pretending in my head like more people read this blog than just my sisters. It seems more fun that way, and I think I write differently when I think I have a bigger audience. Honestly I'm a little nervous for my family to read the crazy thoughts in my head, my dreams, my goals, my trials, etc. Weird, I know, that my family makes me more nervous than the rest of humanity. I will get over it. And, it's silly, I know, because it really is just my sisters reading this blog I'm pretty sure. But, someday maybe, I will have a few more followers. Because someday I might actually have something important to say to the world.
I don't feel like I'm a very good writer, which has stopped me from blogging more often. But practice makes perfect, right? Right.
Should I keep going, or is this enough for one day? My mind is overflowing with things I want to say. I will pick up here tomorrow.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Can I tell you again how much I love living at my grandpa's house, with easy access to all his family history stuff? It is awesome! But, either he gave away his last copy of the John Reeve history that he wrote, or it is currently misplaced in the house somewhere, so I hadn't read this one. My mom has a copy that she let me borrow, and I just started flipping through it tonight.
I of course immediately went to the chapter about his courtship and marriage to Mary Lyman. There is this introduction that my grandpa, Grant Reeve, wrote to this chapter. I loved this intro, and I wanted to say, "Me too!" to several of the things he said. When he says he was transported back in time and could feel the heartache, doubts, fears and joys of John and Mary by reading these letters, I have to say I felt the same way.
At the end of the intro, he says that these letters are precious to him. I agree with that too. They are precious. They are a glimpse into the life of these two people, who lived 100 years ago, yet were faced with some of the same trials and experiences that we have today. They are a tangible thing that these ancestors actually touched, and wrote, pouring out their feelings to each other.
I truly believe that we can learn so much from our ancestors. I have loved learning more about these two amazing people in my family history. I hope you have too.
Introduction to Chapter 4 – John Reeve and Mary Lyman, John Reeve History
Written by Grant Lyman Reeve, 1987
I have treated with reverence the thirty eight letters used in the writing of this chapter in John Reeve’s life. Many times in the past I have tried to read them and write portions of them in a story of this romance. But they seemed so sacred and so sad and so private that I have never been able to get through them until this past year as I have tried to write the story of John Reeve. They screamed at me to write somewhat of a day to day sequence of events. This I have tried to do as seen through the eyes of John Reeve.
Many anxieties I have felt as I’ve gone through them and written and re-written my synopsis of them. I have felt actually transported back in time and it seemed to me felt the heartache, doubts, fears and joys that these letters reveal.
John Reeve wrote 20 letters. Mary wrote sixteen letters to John. Then A.A. Hinckley and Mary exchanged letters between them for the other two.
This romance was complicated by the fact that John received two letters at a time in three instances. But he did not receive the two “Richfield letters” until after all vital decisions had been made. This made it appear to John that he got far fewer letters than he wrote.
From a hand-writing point of view, Mary’s letters seemed to reveal a highly emotional, disturbed girl who didn’t want to be second best. Who was scared almost out of her wits at the prospect of trying to take on this ready-made family with their hearts broken at the loss of their wife and mother. No girl at any age wants to be “second”, particularly in marriage. This showed. A person deeply hurt in the game of love is mighty skeptical at any subsequent love attempts. This showed. Not until after the marriage did Mary’s hand-writing as well as the sentence structure improve.
John on the other hand wrote clearly, correctly, concisely, convincingly. He was hurt. He needed help. Once convinced that Mary was the answer to his prayers and his sweetheart, Emma’s wishes, he would do all in his power to bring this marriage about.
They met each other face to face on only three occasions prior to their marriage: Once in Salt Lake for two or three times (days) which was pleasant; Once in Hinckley which was a total disaster; and then on the sixteenth of May just prior to the marriage.
This marriage was brought about by love letters – John’s. However, it would never have taken place if both partners to this agreement had not been totally convinced that their marriage was approved and appointed of GOD. John needed this assurance so that this second marriage would in no way reflect upon his love for his beloved Emma, and he needed the comfort that this was best for his motherless children. Mary needed it to convince herself that John really did want her as a wife and not as an interim housekeeper. She needed it to show herself that being the “second” wife was her God-ordained role and that it did not mean that she was second best.
Additionally these letters indicated that John wanted to marry Mary before she changed her mind. Mary on the other hand seemed content to take her time in the hope that this might take place.
These letters with their type-written transcriptions as I see them are in my possession. They are precious to me.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
100,000 miles. I hit that milestone in my car on Tuesday this week, June 5th. I was on I-15, at about 12300 South in Salt Lake Valley. I've been watching the odometer for awhile, because I knew I was getting close. I put so many miles on my car, it came faster than I thought it would.
And just three days after this milestone, this happened:
And just three days after this milestone, this happened:
I had a minor/slightly more than minor, run in with another car in Highland, on my way to my niece Lindsey's birthday dinner. I was in his way when he tried to get into the left turn lane. I've only been in a few rear-end accidents in my life, so when this happened, it took me a second to even realize what happened. My first thought was that I had run over something - but the sound was horrible, and I knew I hadn't seen anything in the road in front of me.
Luckily no one was hurt, and the person that hit me was very nice, and very apologetic.
And now, this is my new car for the next week or so
And to end on a happier note, here's a super cute picture of 3 of my nieces. My little sister was here for a few days this week, on her way to her new life in Oregon. Her little girls loved the attention of their older cousins. I went to my sister's house Friday morning, to drop my dad off (long story), and these cuties were still asleep.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Provo, Utah May 25, 1915
Mr. John Reeve
Dear Brother Reeve:
Just a line to ease your anxiety. Am all right only it is so lonesome: How they did bawl me out this morning coming back without you!
Hope you reached your destination all right and found everything well at home. It is now 2:45 p.m. And I want you to let me have Florence up here just as soon as you can arrange it. You do it tho – send word to her and to me and I’ll do the rest! Mrs. Speckhart as well as her husband blame me for not doing it yesterday. She says she wants her as soon as you can arrange it. She will assume all responsibility of her and I’ll be with her at night! Wish we had done it yesterday. Tell her to be careful on the Train – she can tat! Or read and maybe there will be some one else from Richfield coming up and tell the conductor about her and if for any reason I cannot be to the train to meet her, have her phone Speckharts at 642 M and we’ll be looking for her. Now, dear, we can do this can’t we and I’ll feel I’m helping a little beside getting my own way! And really Mrs. Speckhart wants her! Write, telegraph or phone as you please!
Mrs. Speckhart says she expects you back here Sunday. But I don’t! But of course I’d not object tho I won’t demand nor entreat you – You know best!
Mrs. Speckhart wants your little white book by Drummond. Says she saw it there and wants to read it!
It is still storming and black, But not depressive now since I have my convictions! With best wishes to you all and love for yourself. I am as ever
Monday, June 4, 2012
Provo, Utah. May 13, 1915
Mr. John Reeve
Dear Brother Reeve:
It is 12:30 and I just came home from school and found your letter and oh! there’s so many things I’d like to say! About those “big boys” coming in there and you talking to them about my coming. Oh! Say it makes me tremble! It if were anything but this! I feel sure I could win them! I was acting the part of a nurse the other night to a young fellow eighteen – one who I used to tend when he was a shaver, and he likes me yet a little; And of course I do him. I said in reply to his profuse thanks – “Oh, Carlyle you could do much for me if you were to be near me” – and then I told him of my next mission, and he is one of these carefree and thotless fellows. He stopped and looked at me a moment – then said “Gee! But it would be tough to have to lose mother – But Mary if it came to that I couldn’t ask for a better substitute.” Well of course that is pilaver! But it set me thinking and if those boys could see Bro. Wayne’s boy their age and others I could mention I believe they would at least give me a try out! But you must admit that the situation is a very delicate one! When I think of it I almost weaken and then a something beyond words bouys me up and rejuvenates my flagging courage, and promises me strength to combat great obstacles! Is that the right! Or is it the glamour that is spreading over the whole affair and I will be disillusioned when it is too late! Oh, J.R. may God preserve us from shipwreck in this hazardous journey!
Last evening a Mrs. Hedquist was here arranging a program for a class party – she had seen the notice in the paper and in enlarging upon it told her experience (and as in many cases. I made personal reference – how can I help it?) – how she had married a well respected L.D.S. man here, whose four children idolized her and she them – her health failed and oh! The abuse and torture she suffered from him! Well of course they had a legal separation! Well! When I went to bed I took your letters – I always do you know – I read them over and over, thot of her, reference to their happy courtship, and their promises and then the tragic crisis! Well! I’ve had only a few dreams in my life that meant anything, But I thought I was again with father walking on the hill and it was real as life when we actually did walk up there, Just after his return from his mission, and he told me he was concerned about Lucretia and I (me), that he could see no one there whom he regarded as eligible and counseled me to befriend and stand by her and that he would trust me. Well in the dream it seemed we were there and I told him of you and all the circumstances and he blessed me and told me God’s plan was being well executed and that he was very grateful and pleased that he could see farther than he once did, And so did not grieve over Lucretia as he would have done once. He said that I must be as careful, judicious and patient as my own mother had been; And then we went down and while I was telling her about it, in the old bedroom, you came in, and she looked at you and then placed a hand on the head of each of us and we both saw that she understood and my eldest sister couldn’t sanction! It! At all! But she and Albert says she doesn’t understand yet! And that’s all I slept last night! But I feel more sure today than ever, that it is going to be a severe test. But that I am going to have help and when your letter came, speaking as you did of Albert’s reference and my bunglesome letter – I shed just one tear; And the spot is dry now! But with your help and God’s, and my own will, I hope to win the love and respect of the boys and let some of the other phases of the proposition slide! What do you read about the auther in that?! Bravo!
Say, did you not get any of my letters telling about the sad state of affairs? I have no recommend? Mine ran out in April – I’ve sent for one, But it hasn’t come. So I wrote Uncle Marion again when you failed to mention it, and he answered today saying we would have to have a new one. So you see – 18th goes into waste with 12th and 5th. And also that he will be occupied that day! Ha! Ha! Left again! But you’d better come Sunday prepared to go thru it, As we may hear Saturday something else – sorry! Well I’m not! We’ll just have to prolong the calm before our real hostilities begin! Combat them easier, don’t you think so? So we must keep on smiling: And, now accept best wishes for all your interests and love and kisses as ever
(Sidenote: I wasn't sure where to put these next couple of letters in the chronology, because Mary wrote them, and John did not get them until several weeks later, after several other letters had been exchanged.)
(Postmarked from Richfield May 13 6 a.m.) (mailed to Richfield with a note to the P.M. to forward to Hinckley if not picked up immediately)
Provo, Utah. May 3, 1915
Mr. John Reeve
Dear Brother Reeve:
Hope you received my letter this P.M. If you did, you are fortunate as I dearly got it there in time. I’m so busy “getting married” that I can’t write like I used to.
There’s so many things I want to say, But tho they are in my mind as I walk along I can’t remember then when I want them! Regarding your letter to Albert, I think you had better write again soon. It seems you are not as magnificent in his mind as you are in mine. Of course I’ll send it. Why shouldn’t I? I’ve already sent two of yours last week, to the folks! I’ll let you read Dolly’s?
Say, don’t you know that we can’t be married without a recommend – and mine ran out in April and besides it has to definitely state for what purpose we are going thru the Temple; And what of the license, - According to your plan, are you going to have time enough to get it before you go in that day? I think, dear, you have not considered really that I would obey you as readily as you find out I will. Or you would not have been so cautious. But I will suggest this change, That I go up the night before and register at Hotel Utah and you meet me there the next morning and then I won’t have that twenty block walk at three A.M. to meet your train, Much as I should enjoy your company between here and there. So maybe you won’t want to take the train that comes to Provo – there is another one, I understand – Or else you could stop off that first one and we both take the interurban up that morning and you come back with me, And then take your train! But I don’t want to be stirring so early as 3 a.m. And the cars don’t run that early, And it’s a chance if we could depend on an Auto! So let’s rearrange that! We can and yet not encroach upon my obedience to my lord and master – can’t we?
You should have gotten a letter every day last week except Monday and maybe Tuesday and Sunday. But why you missed mine for so long, and then not receive the one on Friday I can’t imagine.
This storm means a loss of thousands of dollars to the Utah county people and carloads of fruit has been killed. How has it affected you?
Was rather disappointed about Afton’s attempt the other night. Hope you (I mean she) knows how to take defeat!
Am so glad you like my letter and enjoyed rereading it.
Now when I see you, I am going to ask all about those psychological reasons for your not marrying me, - my being physically disqualified, - uncongeniality, etc. everyone of them I want – of course. I’ll add another to those already booked kisses, But I want the list anyway – and see how clear your logic is! For I can’t try the experiment on myself, - it would disturb me very, very much if I found for any reason whatever that a “great divide” had come between us. I can’t conjecture any possibility of such a rupture where I could renounce you without a qualm of feeling, - that precious and God given love that has come to me thru this past month of tortuous travail! The which I feel that you and God were the sole creators of, - And which has reached such proportions now that it would take the united efforts of the both parties to ever annihilate, - and then the victim would indeed be an object of deep commiseration. For I feel, dear, with you now – earth, with all her array of weapons and death with its heart rending desolation and worse that all, also – best of all, - life with its many petty, perplexing, disappointing, and trivial snares and pitfalls, - All of these, dear, I want to share with you, whether it be in a palace or a hovel, - come what might or come what may. I feel now I need you – And all former attachments pale in comparison with the gift of reverence I feel for and toward you and I feel too, dear, that it will last – will enrich every experience I have in my whole life with you – bouy me up under disappointments – draw from me the best that God has given me – for you and yours – And I see plainly that it is an argument of man’s superiority in that love is of man’s life a thing apart – it’s woman’s whole existence.”
Now if I get a letter tomorrow before mail time I’ll add a post script. Till then accept my best and dearest wishes for every happiness – Love and prayers protection and blessing
May 4 1915 (noon)
Another link in our chain, every moment of which has a memory – And your letter tells me you can’t fathom me. Maybe I’m wrong, But why you take the three children away, I can’t quite see. Probably you know best; - Of course you do. But it makes me feel so “trembly inside and I think I was never more humble than now. Shall look for your letter from Richfield with pleasure. With love and kisses as ever
(Re sent like previous letter to Hinckley May 13 6a.m.)
Provo, Utah May 5, 1915
Mr. John Reeve
Dear Bro. Reeve:
Here is Uncle Marion’s letter and I’m going to ask you to answer it as you wish - and I’ll agree to your decision. You see what the proposition is, it may be a sentimental notion on my part and I’ll feel all right about you suiting your convenience. But do it someway and forward your further orders and I’ll arrange accordingly.
It seemed so desolate today at noon with no letter from you. And I thot of my dream last night in which I thot these folks here, Mr. and Mrs. Speckhart, had had a cruel misunderstanding and I went to her and him and tried to patch it up and was repulsed by both and then J.R. that old experiment, you suggested came in again and I found I was “physically disqualified” to become your wife because my strength was not equal to the work to be done in your home and I found that after the summer had passed you had wanted a helpmate – a housekeeper, one to care for and take care of the children and your home, and I did not fill the bill, And in crushing anguish I came back to Mrs. Speckhart and oh! Horrors! When I found it be all a dream it was a long while before I could work off the stupor and then – I have an out door bedroom – I came in and got the rest of your letters and found where you said you wanted to “love” me and several other inferences made me wonder if it could all be so. But in face of it dear J.R. I feel that ghastly dream was not well founded – does not in anyway forecast the truth, But the psychological experiment is most unwholesome on my part. I’ve told you this that you may see that you are fast becoming a vital part of my life – that you may expect my feelings that have evolved within the last month from indifference, passing interest, to sympathy, admiration, respect, attachment and regard to what is now, if not a stage of the genuine – A near approach to it, So much so that the step next week will advance rather than retard it and probably sometime could well be called by the sacred title “love” as ever
7 pm May 5, 1915
Say dear, I’m going to send your mother some white carnations for “Mother’s Day”, and I don’t know her first name. So I think I shall address them to you and you attend to it – will you? Now that makes three requests I have made of you – 1st write again to Albert. 2nd to answer Uncle Marion’s letter. 3rd to deliver my flowers – You can attend to them all? Thank you!
Good-bye and good night and take care of yourself and I’ll try later to take care of you. With prayers for your safety and love for your comfort –
I am please to be your
Salt Lake City, Utah May 4, 1915
Miss Mary Lyman
266 N 3rd East, Provo UT
My Dear Niece –
Either day is all right, Make choice and advise me of same and I will gladly perform the ceremony securely.
The Lord Bless You Twain
I am your affectionate Uncle
Francis M. Lyman