I am brave

I started this post on Monday. I didn't want to post it yet, because I wasn't sure how the week was going to play out. But now I know, and I will finish the story at the end:

Monday, January 14:
I did something today. It was big. And nerve-wracking. And scary. And quick.

I talked to my boss today about going part-time. And I felt calm and peaceful and happy after I did it.

I know, it's not a for sure thing yet. We still have to talk to the bigger boss.

But I did it. I dared to think that I could have a life other than Ziplocal/PDC/Phone Directories.

I have been thinking about this, seriously, for a month or two. I have been wanting to do something like this for a lot longer than that. I need a change in my life.

I like my job. It is easy. It is comfortable. It is familiar. And it is not a challenge at all anymore.

So when Jeanette and Matt (mostly Matt) start planning my life for me again, we concoct this plan. And I totally go for it. See, it is a win for both of us.

I need a change. They need a nanny. And a personal assistant. And housekeeper. And chauffeur.

So that's what I'm going to do. I will work at Ziplocal 3 days a week. And the other two days I will be the Bennett Nanny. Or the Lola Nanny I should say.

It is scary because there are unknowns about it all. I will be giving up my benefits and paid time off at Ziplocal by going part time. I don't know exactly how it is going to work with Bennett's all the time. Will I still have enough money? Will we still be friends, even after being employee/employer?

Why am I willing to give up a perfectly good full time job? Sometimes when I think about it too long I feel panicky, and want to back out and say, just kidding! I don't want to do this. I think I'm crazy. I am giving up my very predictable, very stable (I guess that's somewhat debatable), very familiar, very easy job. For what?

For something new. Predictable, stable, familiar, easy aren't all there is to life. I need to take this leap of faith. I need to remember that there is more to life than Ziplocal. I can do something different. I am capable of this. And I am capable to doing a good job at this. And I am also capable of figuring out a new plan after this gig is over in a year and a half.

I just need to not let the panic take over.

deep breath in. deep breath out. It is all going to work out.

Sunday, January 20:
So things worked out better than I had hoped. I got over my panicked feelings about doing this. Change is just hard sometimes and I think that's what was scaring me more than anything.

The big boss loved the idea and was happy to give her okay on the plan. (Can I just say here that I am grateful for the right people in the right places that made this possible. I have asked before to do something similar to this and I got resounding no's from my bosses.)

The rest of the week was spent figuring out details, like when to start this new schedule, what days to work where, insurance switcheroo, etc.

I am planning to be the nanny on Monday and Wednesday, and do Ziplocal on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. That could change as needs change, of course.

I am planning to start this week, but still have paperwork to sign at work so we'll see how that goes. Hopefully we can do that tomorrow and then I'll be good to go.

It has been interesting to me to see the reactions about this from the people I have told. Overwhelmingly, people are excited and happy for me. I was telling the YW president in my ward, and she said, "it must be the right thing to do because things fell into place so easily." I liked that thought. She was also worried about me being able to go to girls camp this summer. I told her that wouldn't be a problem. I will not miss girls camp for anything.

So, this week is the beginning of a new era for me. I get to hang out with cute Lola more, which I couldn't be happier about. I get to relieve just a little of the burden that Jeanette is dealing with, with her very busy life. I will not be tied down to working 40 hours at my job that was taking me many fewer hours than that to complete.

I feel empowered in my life. I took a leap of faith and asked for something that I needed and wanted, something that could have jeopardized my job if viewed in the wrong way. But I was blessed instead. And I am so grateful for that.