Tuesday, December 16, 2008

My normal has changed.

Change is ... hard. complicated. good. bad. unnerving. fun. learning. crazy (good crazy & bad crazy). Humbling. different. happy. sad. inevitable.

So, I've been living here for 4 nights. I am still very much learning the tricks of how things are supposed to go around here. For instance, tonight, I learned that if I am not going to get home until 9:30, my grandpa is going to stay up until I get home. (His bedtime is usually 9 o'clock. I didn't think he'd be up when I got home, but he was.) I also learned that he likes brownies any time of day. (Rachelle gave me a brownie for him tonight, and he ate it tonight.) I am learning that he likes to talk a lot. He is just lonely and needs someone to talk to. I know. But, I never knew an old man had so many words.

I am learning how to balance life. I feel like I'm sort of living two lives. My "normal" life with work, and hanging out at Rachelle's to have dinner (which was yummy by the way) and watching The Biggest Loser finale. And then my "other" life, here, in West Jordan. It is still weird and new and different. My "normal" life hasn't changed a whole lot. But, it has, because now I have a new, "other" life. Sometimes when I am in my normal life I feel guilty, and want to be here at home. But, then, when I am home, it is hard to shift gears back to this life. Old people just run on a different time schedule, and do things differently. It is just interesting to switch back and forth. I am sure as I get settled in, that part of things will settle down in my brain, too.

Another thing I am learning, that is hard for me, is learning how to live with someone again. I've been living alone for a good long while. So, I could walk in the door, drop everything right there, and plop down on the couch, grab my laptop, turn on the tv, and just veg, and no one cared. Now, when I come home, I have to talk to someone. Not saying this is a bad thing, at all, it's just something I'm getting used to. I feel like my sense of normalcy is gone. Change will do that to you. But, living alone was normal to me. Not talking to anyone else at home was normal to me. Being able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted was normal to me. Being able to have the TV on in the living room, and the radio on in the bedroom, right next door, and not caring about the noise, or worrying about waking anyone up, that was normal to me.

My normal has changed.

On another note, I finished cleaning and checked out of my apartment tonight. It was a little bit sad to walk out of there. I took a few more pics. I looked around as I closed the door, thinking that it was a good apartment for me. I had some happy times there. Those two years were good two years. Good apartment. good neighbors. good friends. good ward. good callings. good jobs. good times.

Now I am on to bigger and better things. Who knows what the next two years will bring? Hopefully some more good times. more good friends. more good callings in a good ward.


JulieJ said...

We're thinking about you and praying for you. Your a good woman!

Melissa said...

I hate big changes, so I can certainly imagine how you are feeling. Hopefully everything will feel more settled soon and you will get used to your new normal.