Provo, Utah April 21st 1915
Mr. John Reeve,
Hinckley,
Utah
Dear Brother Reeve:
In my hurry last night I didn’t say half I wanted. But Aunt
Emma came before I was thru. So I shall take your message to heart and write
again. And if I should appear reticent or unresponsive attribute it to anything
but my feelings in this respect. And yet I do not expect as much bliss as I
wish I did, But really I feel the fault lies with me. For I realize all too
keenly that God’s hands has had our case under consideration, And so I want by
your assistance to be as appreciative as is possible, And trust that His finger
will ever point out our path; But I’m afraid you overestimate my worth and I
can’t see why you should. As I have been perfectly frank with you and it would
crush my life out if after I have linked it with yours, That any such thing
should happen as you cease to love me or be disappointed in me, - If it were
infidelity or a kindred evil I’d never attempt to stand it, But for such as
that, where I alone would be responsible I’d have to endure it in torture, -
But I suppose I’m rather pessimistic regarding such things – Probably because
of experience and my feeling that a happy marriage was not for me. But shall I
switch into line and change the subject. But I feel intuitively you are one of
God’s noblemen and that He has greatly complimented me by throw our paths
together and I try to be not ungrateful! And I am satisfied that whatever we
decide to do will be right!
Regarding these bills – Why did you do it. You take an undue
advantage of me and yet I feel you are right. Tho if it had ever been anyone
else I could not take it kindly. But we’ll talk about that later! If you do
meet me don’t you dare remember I’m anything but an acquaintance, - and then, -
I may forget it myself soon enough – do you see! As regards your getting ready
for my coming – think it is better as it is – for I want to see it all; And a
Divine power sustains me, even tho conditions may be rather discouraging.
No one here with two exceptions know a thing about this,
even here at home I tell them I’m going to Salt Lake Friday and they don’t
suspect a thing, Strange I don’t want to sing it on the housetops isn’t it!
Saturday one has so many loose ends to catch up – But I kept a watch outside
and when the mail was in sight I let him put the letter – somehow I knew it was
for me – just inside the door, And I forgot how weary I was and I thot of David
Copperfield and his dora! And Monday I caught the carrier again. But I was not
expecting one yesterday and Mrs. Speckhart remarked about John Reeve being a
good writer. But said she could tell there were bills in it And then I told her
you were making a purchase thru me and she subsided. So you see deception is a
vice you hadn’t reckoned on in me isn’t it! And when I read the thing over, I
wonder if Edith isn’t half right. If I’m not rather fortunate. You certainly
seem to know just how to understand what and how I feel and so very few do, -
And now I shall be pleased to come – But if I am more quiet than you expect
don’t take exceptions to it. And don’t doubt sincerity!
Now I must close, Give my love to your mother and as I leave
here at 10:25 a.m. Friday if you can’t get me a letter by Friday morning don’t
send any and I’ll try and stand it till I see you at 2 pm in Delta. Wish you’d
tell me just how you are getting along with everything! Just now got a letter
from Sister Rose saying she’d be so pleased to have me make headquarters there
while I am in Hinckley, Shall write her at once. Shall say good bye now and
with best and kindest wishes.
As Ever
(signed) Mary
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Hinckley, Utah 4-26-15
My dear Mary,
Something about the last twenty minutes! Of my visit with
you affected me to the extent of producing sleep for I slept nearly all the way
home.
This morning I was instructing the children as to what to
say to any question concerning Sister Lyman’s presence that they don’t know one
thing. Fred said, “me do”. I said to myself, I wish I knew. I thot I did up
till yesterday. But now it seems that I know that I don’t know. However, as
long as I feel that I have God on my side I’m not going to show the white
feather; For I intend to keep up a continuous battle against the “infernal
items”.
As long as I can keep back the thots of our yesterday’s
association up till the few minutes before I said goodbye, I feel fine. But how
they do crowd into my mind as I am trying to write this letter. And of course I
shouldn’t write them, For I said my say last night, And I don’t know what else
I can say, For it seems to me now, That the say is all left with you and I
shall feverishly await tomorrow’s message from you.
Harold Bell Wright makes one of his characters say,
“Somethings, thank God, are beyond the damning power of man’s improvement to
improve.” Now, my dear sister let us assume, (But Oh No! We don’t have to
assume) that God did fore ordain that we should march together in this grand
matrimonial march, how could it be improved by canceling it? But say what’s the
use of arguing that point? You can’t doubt it, No one, In the face of the
evidence, could it seems to me. And yet as I try to recall anything you have
said or written I can’t remember one single statement you have made doubting
the divinity of the call; But in every case you seem so positive of its being
divine.
I am hoping that tomorrow’s mail will bring the message my
heart is longing to receive. So till then let me say good bye. And may the
Spirit of God whisper to your soul the very message you should send me.
Very affectionately I am yours sincerely
(Signed) J. R.
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Hinckley, Utah 4-27-15
My Dear Mary:
Your letter came not today, and how I can write another
without a line from you I don’t know, But true to my promise to you I’ll try.
In the first place I have your written promise that you will
be my wife, and it is that promise and that alone that sustains me, Gives me
hope, courage, and an unyielding determination not to give you up. I am
sublimely happy in your presence, and in the thoughts and memory of you. I can
and will make you happy. And any sacrifice within the limits of human reason
I’ll make that you may be happy. Just name it. Make your suggestion right now.
And you’ll find me on the spot.
I have already planned that Bryan and Carlyle will be away
for a year at least, knowing as I do know that that is absolutely necessary for
their and for the good of the rest of the children.
With that arrangement and Florence under your sweet,
motherly influence, I’m sure she’ll make a mighty good girl, And the rest of
the children trained right. I know it. God doesn’t make mistakes.
Now my dear I’m going to proceed to give myself and you some
right good advice. If ever such a feeling arises in your breast, or mine, As
came in yours Sunday it must be crushed at its first appearance, and never be
allowed one bit of expression. I did a grievous wrong in insisting upon your
giving expression to that feeling Sunday, but I’ll never do it again. I know
that that is the best way to kill it so it will never disturb us again. For I’m
sure that it is as you suggest, From the devil who is seeking to thwart the
purposes of God in trying to deceive you and make you believe a lie and be
damned. But we’ll not be whipped not defeated, For God is on our side, and we
must and shall win. But let us be on our guard against the thousand and on
“infernal items” which may yet be thrown in our pathway to block our progress.
Such as having our letters interfered with gossiping tongues, or the million
other things that may be invented by the majesty and genius of Hell.
I’ve been studying and restudying your letter “A One” to me
and I know, absolutely know that you were inspired by the Spirit of God to
write me those sacred promises, They’re true beyond the shadow of a doubt and
you’re mine because I love you. And God hath said so and you love me. I know
you do. You never could have written that letter unless you did and do love me.
Now I want to send your letter to Albert when I write him
and I don’t want you to object. Then he’ll know positively that the three all
important requisites have been met – The certainty of inspiration, That I love
you and that you love me. Now I’ve been making the Lord some mighty good big
promises if He’ll only help me win you, Which I expect to, And then I know I’ll
win. Now dear, if I take Florence and Carlyle to Richfield this week I feel
that I must tell Emma’s folks about you And our plans as that is closely
connected with my plans for the children. What do you say? Please answer every
letter.
With Love
(signed) Jno.
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Hinckley, Utah 4-28-15
My Dear Mary:
Today brought no letter from you, so it seems that we are
laboring under a misunderstanding again, For I certainly understood you were to
write Monday, Tuesday and every day; But it occurs to me now that you must have
understood to write only after you had received my letter. So I shall refuse to
believe otherwise, Not be offended though I am sorely disappointed.
However, I’m sure tomorrow will bring the message my heart
is so anxious to receive.
So today you will not expect much of a letter from me.
If you had heard the talk of the town Monday, you would
doubtless have believed that it was some one else who was going to marry the
tall man, for Florence said it kept her busy saying “don’t know” to all their
questions. But that only makes me smile, how about you?
Tomorrow’s letter will likely bring you such startling
information as to cause you to stagger, strangle and may even stifle and
suffocate you. You may ask why I don’t write it today, But the fact is it is so
immensely risky that I must wait to see what the nature of your message is
tomorrow; Before I dare attempt it. So be prepared for anything that may
happen.
I got the spirit and wrote a letter to your brother Albert
last night, which I expected to send you today for your criticism before I
mailed it. But that too must now await this absorbing consuming question now
weighing heavily on my mind.
So til tomorrow I shall say good bye, dear,
With love,
(signed) John
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